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“Midnight in Paris”: An English Major’s Dream

"Do you box?" Hemingway was a bad ass.

My girlfriend’s parents went and saw Woody Allen’s “Midnight in Paris” a week or so before I did. For a week, they casually suggested I see. At any moment I was not active, or when I was obviously looking for something to do, they would push me to head down to the State Theater to check it out. “You’ll like it,” they said, “but we don’t want to build it up too much.” How very well they know me.

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>Cromartie, Poe, Droopy Dog and the Pasta Investigation…

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It is Wednesday, verily, the day of the hump and also of the “Modern Family” at 9, 8 Central. Fight the doldrums until then, and the week will be over before you know…In 48 hours or so.

Reports are that Senator Joe Lieberman (gasps) will not run for President in 2012 (awwwwww) according to members of his staff and certain close aides. The 68 year old senator from Connecticut will announce the decision later in the week or by the end of this month, much to the relief of almost no political rivals. The move benefits Democrats chiefly, at least in the minds of several political pundits. Lieberman spent most of his career as an important figure in the Democratic Party, though has spent the last four years in a creepy ex-boyfriend who has slept around with your enemy stigma attached. Lieberman jumped ship, if you will, ahead of the 2008 Presidential campaign, backing John McCain instead of Barack Obama. He will retire from public service when his current term concludes in two years, quietly bowing from the spotlight and enjoying time with his friends and family. Until then, however, Joe will have to skate the slippery slope between a drastically and violently divided Senate, even in the wake of the supposed ‘peace’ of the Tucson shootings.


Joe Lieberman.

A massive 7.2 earthquake rocked a sparsely populated area of Pakistan today, roughly 200 miles from the closest urban center but strong enough to take a few casualties even in the remote regions of the Pakistani desert. Final reports from the closest cities are not finalized or confirmed, but only one woman was said to have died of a heart attack triggered by the quake. A 7.2 earthquake is massive, similar in strength to the one that triggered the tsunami in the Indian ocean five years ago. An added danger in the region is the poor construction of homes; most structures are made or mud-brick and wood and fail almost immediately during a heavy quake. More on this is it is necessary….

Following up on a religion vs. science story from a month back, the University of Kentucky was forced to pay $125,000 to an astronomy professor who recently brought charges of discrimination against the school after being turned down for a job. To be fair, $125,000 is probably what Kentucky spends on a single basketball recruit each summer, but this is harder to swallow because it won’t translate into PPG. The snubbed professor, C. Martin Gaskell, says he was denied a job with the University because he hinted a belief “something close to a creationist” and “potentially evangelical” in e-mails that circulated within the schools department. To note, however, allowing a person whose research and observations are clouded by religion certainly has an impact on how that professor looks at science. To be fair, however, the University of Kentucky failed to handle the situation properly, which, as we all know, is to deny, deny, deny and then counter-sue.

In another twist in the on-going Pasta Investigation of Lance Armstrong (throw everything at him and see what sticks) reports surfaced of more allegations indicating that Armstrong encouraged and even required EPO use on his Motorola team in the 90s. An unnamed teammate from the ‘95 squad said that Armstrong was the “instigator” of doping on the squad, even instructing teammates on how to use EPO and, more importantly, how to hide it. This is not news, however, the Bohunk finds the recurrent claims of the same charges intriguing…Why repeat the same accusations for almost a year? If there is so much evidence, why can’t anyone present tangible evidence of guilt besides nameless teammates casting blame? Even the FBI admits that it has conducted little to no investigative activity in the past three months, showing that they really have nothing to add to the case. Innocent, innocent, innocent…until factually and indisputably proven guilty by hard evidence.


Lance Armstrong as a Motorola rider and World Champion…before the cancer, the Tours and the allegations….

On this very day in 1809, the dark and mysterious and macabre Edgar Allen Poe was born. After being raised by his godfather, John Allan, Poe wrote three volumes of poetry to almost no acclaim or attention. He took a job as an editor of the Southern Literary Messenger in Richmond, Virginia and married his 13 year old cousin, which, though teachers tell you wasn’t uncommon at the time, was, in fact, a touch odd, even by the standards of the day. He drank heavily and lost his job, forcing a move north to Philadelphia where he kept busy with his hands in a few publications as an editor and a critic. His most famous works, including The Tell-Tale Heart, The Murders At the Rue Morgue and The Fall of the House of Usher all were written during this period, which was actually one of the most tranquil and relatively peaceful of Poe’s life. The stories themselves, however, did not reflect stability; they were odd, dark, horrific and dabbled in mystery, giving Poe the title of the father of the detective story. The Poes moved once more to New York City, where Poe penned “The Raven” his most famous poem. His wife died in 1847, driving Poe to even more voluminous drinking, eventually stumbling into a gutter drunk and dying somewhere in Baltimore in 1849. Poe was forty years old. 

The Bohunk casually and without much concern put forth his AFC Championship prediction, in two parts. A) I don’t care, I think both clubs, Thieves and Aeronautical Studies, alike in a uniform thuggery and criminal mind. There are more fines and arrests between these two teams to equal all of the other teams in the NFL. How can anyone root for them? B) That said, I’ll take the Steelers over the Jets by the simple reasoning of choosing, however reluctantly, the lesser of two great evils. It should be a close contest, if it does not devolve into fisticuffs after James Harrison spears Sanchez and Antonio Cromartie leads his Army of Children into battle (though he doesn’t know any of their names) in retaliation.


Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie and two Baby-Mamas-To-Be…

A short and not so sweet Update today, though my apologies must be accepted due to impossible circumstances; I have a lot of homework and little sleep. Thanks for reading, folks, and enjoy your day in spite of all things and people…

>Foxy Friday, Awesome Evolution, Acid and Cells…

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It’s Foxy Friday, your favorite day of the week and, I assure you, mine as well. The week is done, you’re still giggling like an drunkard over NBC’s hit Thursday night line-up, and you know there will be a scantily clad but admirable woman nestled on some lucky spot on this page. Get started, and don’t worry, she’s in here somewhere…

Like it or not, we are as certain of evolution in the scientific community as we are of any ‘fact’ you may mention. The scientific method would allow that nothing can be absolutely certain because there is always some fact lagging behind to, potentially, if not foreseeably, falsify it. And this rule goes back billions of years, though we need not venture so far. New research shows that the tyrannosaurus rex gradually evolved from a pint size, adorable little meat-eater called Eodromaeus. It was just four feet long and no more than 15 pounds, but laid a foundation of survival for many branches of later dinos, including the T-Rex everyone imagines. The Eodromaeus was thought also to resemble the raptor, but it evolved from a different very small, four foot long creature as well. Scientists are now leaning toward the theory that all dinosaurs emerged from a species of that size and build and eventually branched off to hundreds and even thousands of species over hundreds of millions of years. And they had enough time; remember, dinosaurs lived for well over a hundred million years while we have only just joined the party, just about 20,000 years ago. If we survive our wars and environmental failures, who knows, we could develop into myriad new potential forms. We could live for a few hundred years, and women could look attractive well into their 100s…Well, we can only hope, for our children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s…..children’s children’s children’s sake….


“Cool, a T-Rex!” said the third grader. And the Bohunk.

It is a match up fans and TV execs are drooling over; Chicago Bears against the Green Bay Packers (imagine Chris Berman’s voice on that one) the oldest rivalry in professional football and undoubtedly the most organic, natural and raw. Unfortunately, both squads have to defeat another foe first; the Green Bowl Packers take on the Hotlanta Dirty Birds Saturday night, in prime time and in the Georgia Dome where Matt Ryan has only lost twice. Ever. A word of warning against the Pack; never doubt a man with two first names. Matt Ryan, a Pro Bowl pick over Green Bay’s Aaron Rodgers despite less gaudy numbers, just wins like Cris Carter used to just catch touchdowns. The Falcons just barely beat the Pack earlier this season, though it was touch and go throughout and the Bohunk was quite convinced Le Bay Verre should have won. Da Bears play the Seattle Seahawks, but that shouldn’t be hard, right? Ask Drew Brees and last year’s Super Bowl Hoisters, who were felled like a white pine just a week ago by the “bad” Seabirds who “shouldn’t be in the playoffs”…They are in, folks, and they won. Some expect a huge let down after overcoming the Martyrs last week, but the Bohunk would advise caution to Jay Cutti (Jay Cutler) and Da Bears; as crooked as Pete Carroll was at USC, imagine what malicious, foul evils he has conjured in the professional ranks. The Bohunk will take Bears over Seahawks, however, because I want to see the NFC North showdown in a week’s time. So, I’ll take Packer over Dirty Birds, Flying Elvii over jets (not capitalizing their nickname anymore; to Rex Ryan, “Yeah, it’s personal.” And the Ravens over the Steelers, because Big Ben is a Huge Ass…


Matt Ryan: Beware a man with two first names.

Time for the Fox of the Week, presented by (Somebody Pay Me For This). This week, the Bohunk presents very, very Danish tennis star Caroline Wozniacki. Caroline is the world #1 and has won twelve WTA singles titles. She comes from good stock; her mother was an Olympic volleyballer and her dad was a professional soccer player. Her parents moved to Denmark when her father, Piotr, signed with a Danish soccer squad, leaving their homeland of Poland. Caroline just began her 2011 season in a series of exhibition matches in Thailand. Go, Caroline, for thou doth have the world in love-love (two points for the easy tennis pun).


The Bohunk would like to congratulate Caroline, but, alas, I don’t speak Danish.

In the social networking world, former giant MySpace is looking to sell out, should the right offer come along. And that offer would be any offer, or so it appears. Owner Mike Jones (who?) says he is ready to part ways with MySpace, the original social networking giant to find widespread popularity before Facebook took over among people from pimply pre-teens to octogenarians. Just this week, MySpace dumped over 500 of its staff, roughly 47% of its employees. No serious offers are in place (one person offered $100, and, supposedly, has not yet been turned down) but the company will change hands soon, but for what price, we can only guess. If you pool your money with some friends, hey, maybe you could buy it! And then forget to check it because you were on Twitter and Facebook…

A massive barge carrying tons of sulfuric acid sunk in the busy Rhine river today in Germany. 2,400 tons of acid are in the river though still contained in the locked and sealed bays of the barge. Two of the crew, a German and a fellow Bohunk are missing, though authorities still have hope of locating the two men who may have been swept downstream. The barge may have struck the rocky bottom of the river, though no official version of the sinking has been proposed by authorities. The Bohunk points out that having 2,400 tons of sulfuric acid in the river, though not devastating, is probably not a safe idea. This opinion will no doubt create some immediate and sweeping response by authorities.

A quick plug for an outstanding book, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot. It is the story of the famous HeLa cells, integral in numerous medical breakthroughs from cancer to AIDs, and the woman they belong to. Skloot takes us through the life and death of Henrietta Lacks, the woman responsible for the most prolific ‘immortal’ cells in history. From her humble beginnings, her childhood and adult life, we see the woman that gave science one of the most important gifts in the history of mankind. But Skloot shows us that Henrietta hardly knew what she gave, let alone what her treatment consisted over. Her family gained no financial compensation though Henrietta’s cells sold for $25-50 a vial. Skloot is an great writer and an honest participate in a story that is still unfolding. If you’d like to pick it up, check out Barnes and Noble here.

Thanks for reading, folks! The Bohunk will repost the week’s Top Post tomorrow and return Monday morning refreshed and invigorated. Enjoy the football, and read a book, too.

Thanks for all who supported and helped the BoScoots this week when she really need it. A sad tribute to the Bohunk’s trusted sedan, Stratty, a.k.a Stratina, Monday morning…